My wife (whom I'll call Ms C) and I have a routine on Sunday, we go to the beach after breakfast. We set up our umbrella, beach chairs, and cooler and enjoy the beauty of the ocean and beach, people watching, and talking with one another. When we get too hot there is the ocean to cool off in, as long as it's at least 78f. Last Sunday we were joined by one of Ms C's friends and a woman that we both have known for about 12 years. It was girl talk for about 3 hours and I was an active participant feeling ever so comfortable in the company I was in. What a pleasant day it was as Eleanor was in charge that day!
When I came out to Ms C last September it was as someone who liked to dress in women's clothes occasionally. This was before I started to see a therapist and really explore what was inside me. Of course, she was hurt and very angry that I hadn't shared this with her before we were married 10 years ago. What followed were some very shaky times in our marriage, there was talk of separation and even divorce. I learned much in my therapy sessions and from this on-line community and grew in self-understanding. It was difficult to talk about 'it' between the two of us, finally she agreed to come with me to therapy and has done so several times. What was most helpful for her (and us) was a documentary on "Dateline" (a US news-type show) that explored transgender children and their parents. I think she has come to understand that 'it' is something we were born with and that there is a wide variety of differences under this umbrella. We have been able to talk more openly now and are growing in understanding of each other. She accepts the fact that I am transgendered and had no more control about it than the color of my eyes. Our strong love for one another has kept our marriage whole as we are surviving this 'bump' in the road. As a good friend once said, "Life is not a dress rehearsal" and we are going to live it.
Hugs, Elly
3 comments:
Glad you are on the beach and not on the rocks.
Nice to hear your story of gradual, growing comfort with ... everything on the home front.
Lovely too, and a real privilege to participate in a womanly conversation on terms of female society. Thanks for reminding me.
Cheers - Petra
So good to hear that you and Ms.C have an ever-improving dialogue. I am always amazed to hear of those whose spouses are accepting very quickly. It seems for most of us it is about being patient; waiting for our loved ones to slowly learn and accept that we are still the one they knew and as you say that we were created that way, and have been fighting to not give in all of our life.
Girly chat mode at the beach; a pleasant prospect I am also looking forward to.
I can imagine your wife's distress, at learning something so important about you, so long after you were married. It's so good to hear that she is going to your therapy sessions with you, and trying to understand.
Girl talk is much more enjoyable than guy talk. My sister and I can never seem to get that point across to my brother-in-law. We were at my mother's, sitting around watching Housewives of New Jersey, and he actually says, "Why are we watching this?" :-D
Melissa XX
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