Yesterday was my monthly session with 'J', the therapist I see and as usual, I feel like I got more than my monies' worth from the session. As I have mentioned before, she has a unique way of helping me to 'unfold' what's been stuffed inside my head for so long. And yesterday was no exception.
She is familiar with my past as it relates to treatment for depression and the many years I spent in therapy and under psychotropic medications and the fact that my gender issues never were revealed. She again asked me why I never shared my gender uncertainty and how I was able to remain silent so long; I had to answer, shame and guilt. It was suggested that I begin to write about my life experience as it relates to my gender uncertainty and this path of self-discovery-creating a book in the process. I thought this was a good way to 'expunge' the guilt that I've carried for most of my remembered life. So I started with an outline today. I don't know if I'll ever share this developing manuscript with anyone but I feel good about starting. As Chairman Mao once said, "The thousand mile march begins with the first step."
I also shared that we have tickets to see Lady Gaga when she comes to south Florida next month and we talked about the new album she has, "Born This Way". As I understand it, this album is meant to help the LGBT community making others realize that all humans are 'born this way'. Now for the costume to wear to the concert.....maybe as Eleanor this time.
Hugs, Elly
5 comments:
Elly, I'm glad you found such a good therapist. I wasted a lot of therapy twenty-five years ago by not revealing the true nature of my problem. Yep, shame and guilt.
You have to see Gaga as Eleanor. That is perfect.
The value of writing these things down is to release them. I just feel better putting it in words. It may be that the brain power needed is therapeutic in itself. If you are pleased with the book and others can enjoy and learn from it, bonus time!
Eleanor deserves to be at the concert I'd say. :)
hugs,
Halle
I can't think of a venue where Eleanor would be more accepted, than a Lady Gaga concert. Go for it!
Melissa XX
Whether in therapy, starting a book about your TG life, blogging or reading other's account their TG issues seems to me as being a very healthy way of finding yourself and reaching peace within yourself.
As a happily married hetero TG there are two separate hurdles that we face. In the first instance we need to come to accept ourselves for being who we are and what we are. Perhaps, as Gaga says, we were "Born This Way"...perhaps there are other reasons. I do not think that it matters as much as the ability to reach an inner peace within yourself to accept things that are with grace and humor.
The second issue concerns our wife or significant other. Certainly the argument could be made that we both signed on 'for better or worse' but for a woman to learn that her husband would like to get out and about while dressed as a woman there is an imposition created that really needs to be recognized.
It has taken me decades for my wife to become mildly accepting of having me around the house while dressed. She has real fears of ills and evils that could befall me if I get out of the house. It is a constant source of concern for me and I suppose others like us.
Regards and good luck
Pat
PS: I also hope that it is Elly that goes to the Gaga show.
Elly, just catching up on your blog. Good to see you found someone who could bring out the real issues and talk them out with you.
Calie xxx
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