Saturday night Ms C and I went out to dinner with another couple. We went to a high-end steak house in West Palm Beach, Florida, that was a 'dress-up' (for Florida) place. That meant drab slacks and dress shirt for me and a dress for Ms C. She asked for my help in picking out a proper dress for the evening and what accessories to wear with it, guess she trusts my sense of fashion. I was quite envious as to what she wore and how good she looked and told her so-about her good looks anyway. As we were leaving and I grabbed my bag, she stopped me and asked if I really wanted to bring this bag 'out' with this other couple. I felt comfortable with them and kept my bag and was told that I need to be sensitive to us and what other people see. Nothing was said to me about my 'bag' the whole evening; afterall, it's just a thing to put my keys and sunglasses in anyway-right? Was I being defiant or insensitive with Ms C? By the way, the steaks we had were excellent and brought what was left home with us for another dinner. It was a wonderful evening and the conversation was good, it just meant a very late night for us.
Cyrsti had a post last week with reference to an interesting article that used a term 'fluid gender identity'. To me, that means the same as two-spirit or bi-gender which is how I see myself; it explains the confusion and envy yet at the same time the peace that I feel. Confused because I can't always express myself, but at peace because no one can take away what's inside my head or spirit. And as a fluid identity, it always tends to seek its equillibrium; after all, that's how the Ancient Egyptians built the pyramids at Gaza.
Hugs, Elly
P.S. Thanks Halle with the help on 'linking' :-)
7 comments:
It is definitely more than a consolation prize to be brought into our spouses' clothing selection process isn't it Elly! :)
I should have started using a bag years ago. No more bulging pockets, and as you say, lots of room for classes and keys and such.
" At peace because no one can take away what is inside. " So true...
Halle,
Funny, the bag thing started not with my therapist, but with the chiropractor that I was seeing for a back issue. She commented that men have it bad with all the stuff they have in their pockets-it's bad for the skeletal structure, sitting on a bulging wallet and keys....
Funny, there was a time when all men not only carried purses, but wore ruffles, lace and even high heeled shoes. The Victorian age seemed to usher in a new era of extreme masculinity, but even then, little boys were often dressed just like little girls. By WW II, even that custom had become a thing of the past. I just watched a PBS documentary on the Kennedys, and they showed several pictures of a young Teddy Kennedy in a white dress, with his hair in a chin length bob with full bangs. Our culture today has really taken macho appearance to the extreme, with guys running around with shaven heads, and bodies pumped up to a ridiculous degree, and covered in hideous black tattoos. Yechh!
Melissa XX
There is no doubt in my mind that many men define themselves with the simple credo Don't Act Like A Woman and yes that results in all kinds of problems, including bad posture, IMHO.
After migrating my keys, work cell phone, personal cell phone, wallet, and comb from several pockets into a small, black bag I carry when presenting male, I find I can barely do without it. This is especially true now that my wallet has changed genders (and is a little bigger as a result), and now that I've added tweezers, mirror, lip balm, and tissues to part of the "essential" collection of stuff I'd rather not be without every day.
At first I was a bit uneasy about being out as a guy with this "bag", but more and more I know my male presentation is, er, not very convincing. At best I look like a very effeminate gay male, I realize. So, does the bag really shock anyone who sees my arched eyebrows and long, shiny nails? I don't think so, not anymore at least. And it's so convenient to have that with me. Mind you, I'd rather have my regular purse at all times, but that's coming soon enough.
It is great that your fashion sense is trusted so much. That should bring you a great sense of satisfaction. I know it would me. :-)
Stacey
It does seem, to a certain extent, that so much of what we need to write about our gender issues comes down to trying to define terms and reaching out for definitions.
Gender fluidity is a pretty good description for that crossroads area that many of us find for ourselves. I liked your earlier post (you may note the comment I left at that time) about 'gender blending'.
I often look at myself as being 'gender blessed' and I do everything I can to try to convince my wife that it is more of a blessing than a curse to be married to a CD husband.
Over the years she has come to appreciate that my interests in woman's clothes and makeup and styles make me a better 'friend' for her in that we can discuss things that normally do not pass muster in a typical marital relationship.
As far as the blending issue is concerned I tend to see the two separate components of my personna as blending to make something greater than the mere sum of its parts. The trans in me allows me to transcend being a mere man, or for that matter a mere woman.
Pat.
Many thanks to all of you who have commented, I hold all of you as true friends in this world in which we live, may God, bless you all.
Hugs as always, Elly
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