Last Thursday was Veteran's Day (the old Armistice Day) a US Federal holiday which my employer gave to us also. I also took Friday as a vacation day to make a nice long weekend.
As Ms. C was working, I decided it was a good day to go out and do some shopping as Eleanor (she doesn't like to see me 'dressed'). I shaved and applied a day-time level of make-up, dressed in a denim skirt and white blouse, and headed out for the mall. The mall that I went to is a very upscale mall in Florida; I was dressed casually and age appropriate for the time of day and the environment. I walked into Macy's and headed for the escalator to the misses department. It was a holiday and many had taken advantage of the special holiday pricing including the manager of my department. I saw him first and quickly averted my eyes and turned away into the crowd, watching him through the clothing racks. I felt like an inspector Clouseau on some kind of comic (not to me at the time) mission. What a dumb idea to go to this mall 40 minutes from home on a holiday sales day!
Anyway, after a bit, I found this perfect black skirt in my size after trying it on and bought it. Others have said that Macy's corporate policy is very tolerant and I will have to agree, no one challenged me in the fitting room, or I just presented OK.
If Mr. Manager was in one store he'd be in others so I decided it was time to leave the mall and walked out to my car. Found a great Mexican restaurant off site of the mall so decided to get lunch and make the best of things. It was a warm comfortable day so I took a table outside and ordered lunch. There were several other patrons around me but no one bothered with any funny stares or looks; in other words, it was a very pleasant lunch.
Is the chance of a close call or outing the fuel that drives us? I certainly don't want to share my feminine side with my employer or anyone else for that matter. It sometimes becomes very difficult to balance the male/female or the female/male but I'm determined to do my best and am not giving up. I know that I need that outlet that being Eleanor provides, I feel comfortable in that role as I feel (usually) comfortable in my male role. It is a delicate balance that this life sometimes gives us and I have learned this past year that this 'two-spirit' is a blessing and not a curse, it is a gift that I must learn to use.
Hugs, Elly
4 comments:
It may be a while before you achieve a level of comfort with your female role that Petra or Stana have, but at least you are on your way.
Good for you Elly!
Thanks for this interesting account.
Hugs
And here I had been voted Most Likely to Get Found Out by My Employer. I think you got a lot of the second place votes, El. Nice job of staying aware of your surroundings!
Some have posited that we want to be caught, but I don't buy it. We don't want to be caught, we just want desperately to be ourselves, and that, not and absurd desire to be caught, is what drives us.
You did well Elly! Do you think your boss even had a clue?
Melissa XX
I wouldn't worry about it Elly. I go to these DRAB lunches once a month and have many, many CD friends as a result. I rarely attend our group's "dressed" events but when I do I rarely even recognize my friends. It's embarrassing. They have to tell me who they are or I wait until I hear the voice. I'm sure if I saw your en femme picture and then was told to pick you out of a crowd I would fail to pick the right person!
Calie xxx
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